Overcome Self-Sabotage & Rewire Your Brain for Happiness

How to Overcome Self-Sabotaging
If you’re wondering how to overcome self-sabotage, this post is for you. We often think self-sabotage happens because we aren’t confident or calm. But the truth is, we don’t feel confident or calm because we keep sabotaging ourselves.
Mental barriers aren’t the result of low self-esteem; they actually cause low self-esteem. It’s not situations that block our success—it’s often us, standing in our own way.
There’s something inside us that keeps us within our comfort zone. This is called our “inner saboteur” or “inner guard.” Think about when your hand is hurt and healing.
You use it carefully or stop using it for a while. The same can happen in our minds. You mentally retreat to a place that feels safe, like you’re going into a dark cave to rest and avoid stepping out of your comfort zone.
Self-sabotage happens when we use behaviors that once helped us (like in childhood or during tough relationships) but aren’t helpful anymore. The good news? You can overcome it by learning how to rewire your brain for happiness.

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Things You Can Do to Stop Self-Sabotage
1. Recognize Self-Sabotage
Many people wonder how to stop hurting themselves with their own actions, but they often don’t know how to begin.
This happens because they might not see the harmful patterns in their daily lives. We often sabotage ourselves without even realizing it. Before we can learn how to stop this, we need to understand these self-sabotaging patterns.
You might not see all of these patterns in yourself, but I’m sure you’ll notice at least one. The first step to stopping sabotage is to recognize it.
One pattern is having a catastrophic mindset. This means you only think about bad things that could happen in the future. You might blow things out of proportion, making small problems seem huge.
Another pattern is putting others first. This means you think what other people want is more important than what you need. You take care of everyone else before yourself. Deep down, you might just want to please everyone.
Then there’s a repressed mindset. This is when you say, “If I do this, then that will happen.” You set up rules for things you can’t control. You can’t predict the future, so don’t put pressure on yourself. This can cause a lot of stress.
Next is a critical mindset. This is when you always look for mistakes and expect everything to be perfect. You divide people and situations into good or bad categories. You waste your energy thinking about what should happen instead of what is happening.
Many times, problems with self-esteem come from setting too high of a standard for yourself and others. This can create a lot of pressure.
Another pattern is a mindset that obeys the rules. Your inner voice tells you that you’re only safe if you follow certain rules.
You might think things like, “If he really cared about me, he would call me every day.” When you don’t follow these rules, you feel disappointed in yourself and limit what you can do.
A distrustful mindset is when you believe that it’s better not to trust others. You think no one can be relied on or has good intentions.
Also, there’s a mindset that’s too encouraging. Always trying to be positive can be just as stressful as being overly critical.
You might feel like you have to be happy and cheerful all the time, not allowing yourself to have personal problems, while pushing away others’ issues, too.
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2. Decide to Change
If you want to stop self-sabotage and train your brain to be happier, you need to decide to change.
There are two important skills you need for making real changes in your life. These skills are so strong that they can change everything if you use them well.
The first skill is taking full responsibility for what you think and say. No one can take this skill away from you. Being an adult means being in charge of yourself and your life. You should think about your choices and actions with that attitude.
The second skill is concentration, which means the ability to focus your attention.
If you can really pay attention to something, you can learn so much more. When you are free and focused, your brain and body can do amazing things. You need to decide what to focus on and use your time wisely.
You can also check your mindset. Everything begins with a decision. Without deciding to change, you won’t be able to make any changes.
You have the freedom to change, but you also have the choice to stay in your comfort zone. This can feel safe, but it also holds you back.
If you want to stop hurting yourself and make your life better, you have to take your life seriously. You need to work on the thoughts that lead you to sabotage yourself. If you keep doing this, you will never have the best life you could have.
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3. Use Some Well-Known Techniques
Whenever you notice that you’re having a self-sabotaging thought, try one of these techniques to stop yourself. To fight self-sabotage, you need to face it bravely.
The goal is to ignore the negative messages and remember that this old way of thinking doesn’t fit your life now. It’s not reasonable anymore.
First, recognize when you are self-sabotaging, and then fight back against it. Accept that these thoughts are there, but keep in mind that you are working to change them.
As soon as you have a negative thought, shout “STOP” to yourself in your mind. You can also say the word “stop” out loud if that helps you.
If you say “stop” right away when you start to hurt yourself with your thoughts and do it in a strong way, you will soon see those negative thoughts fade away. This can push those restricting thoughts aside.
Next, focus on how your body feels. This can help you train your brain to be happier. If you have scary thoughts, try focusing on your breathing.
Then, pay attention to how your legs feel on the ground. Notice how your feet are connected to the ground. If you are lying down, focus on how your back and bottom feel resting on the surface beneath you.
By concentrating on your breathing and how your legs, back, and bottom feel, you will see that you’re not stuck in those harmful thoughts anymore. Thinking about two feelings at the same time is a great way to stop self-sabotage.
You can also escape your toxic thoughts by imagining a place you would like to go. Use all your senses to picture this place in your mind. Another technique is to change your focus to other people.
Dive deep into conversations and show interest in them. Ask yourself how the other person acts, what they care about, and who they are. This can help you worry less about what they might think of you.
Always ask yourself, “Whose problem is this?” or “Who is in control of this situation?” Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not those who bring you down or play mind games.
You can choose who you spend your time with, and that choice is very important. You need to make smart decisions about your environment.
If you stay in a place that makes you feel small and puts pressure on you, it’s like keeping your face close to a car’s exhaust. Find a place that helps you grow and be better, not one that destroys you.
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4. Two Other Decisions
After deciding to stop sabotaging yourself, you need to make two more important decisions. First, start thinking like a responsible adult. This means taking charge of your thoughts and actions.
Second, decide what you want to focus on in every situation. These two ways of thinking are the keys to reaching your full potential.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself whenever you wonder how to stop self-sabotaging:
- “What would I think and do in this situation if I looked at it from an adult’s point of view?”
- “What am I responsible for in this situation?”
- “What do I want to focus my attention on?”
- “What do I want to do?”
If you want to change how you think, focus on your inner guard. This is the part of you that tries to protect you but might also hold you back because it thinks taking risks is dangerous.
The first step is to retrain your inner guard. You need to have a way to look at your behavior and what happens around you, so you can learn from it.
The problem comes when your observations are based on an old way of thinking. Today, our world is safe and free in many ways. We can expect new things. Old, outdated ideas only create problems.
People need a new way to assess themselves and the world. This will help you think positively and be happier.
You don’t always have to act in a way that helps others first. It’s important to stand up for your own needs, too. Switch from a passive life to an active one.
But what does it mean to have a “mature adult” attitude? Being an adult today means more than just thinking for yourself. It means taking responsibility for your own life. Live your life, and let others live theirs, too.
Being honest, having a sense of humor, and feeling strong emotions can help you stay true to yourself. You know that you can either use your freedom and potential well or waste them.
You can choose to grow or not. Use your mind, feelings, heart, knowledge, and skills to create a fulfilling life. As an adult, you understand that when problems arise, you should respond sensibly and make a new decision.
Living as an adult among other adults means being independent and taking responsibility for your own interests. You need to stay informed and actively take part in life.
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5. Set the Quality of Your Life as Your Goal
Every way of thinking needs a goal to aim for. Without a goal, people can get lost in all the information around them. The path you choose affects your experiences and the kind of life you live.
In the past, the goal of our thoughts was to feel safe and in control. Today, the goal is to take reasonable risks, grab opportunities, and be creative.
These things are important for living well in the 21st century. If we already have a good level of security, what should our thoughts aim for? I think we should aim for a goal that brings a variety of different emotions and is still appealing.
So, the best goal isn’t just happiness, but a higher quality of life. In the old way of thinking, people often asked, “What do I need to do to feel secure and in control?”
Now, the new way of thinking is: “What is good for me? What choices will improve my quality of life now and in the future? What seems like a smart choice?”
Quality of life isn’t just about being happy. It also includes how well we handle tough times and how we deal with painful situations. It’s about believing that we have the strength and resources to experience life fully and shape it in a positive way.
Things like strength, satisfaction, creativity, and personal growth are very important for a successful life. Everyone knows that life isn’t always filled with good feelings and happy moments.
Life is more colorful and has different shades, like a garden full of flowers in spring. Difficult times can help us grow, while easy and comfortable times can make life boring.
When people allow themselves to think freely and without fear, they can come up with great goals and solutions all on their own.

Why should you choose the quality of your life? You should choose the quality of your life because it includes all the important values, including safety, depending on the situation.
Sometimes, safety is the most important thing for having a high quality of life. For example, when you’re driving and your car starts to slip, you will quickly try to regain control of the vehicle.
If you are out of money and don’t want to be unemployed, you might think about taking a job you don’t like for a little while. As long as you understand why you’re doing something, you can improve your quality of life right away, not just in the future.
Knowing your reasons will inspire you to keep working toward this goal, even if it feels like you have to move mountains to reach it.
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6. Ditch the This-Or-That Mindset
Self-sabotage often comes from thinking in extremes: good or bad, right or wrong, me or others, and so on.
Instead of using “or,” try replacing it with “and.” This simple change can lead to a whole new way of thinking. It’s a key to rewiring your brain for happiness.
Life is about good and bad, right and wrong, me and others. It’s full of connections and things that can exist at the same time. Life is not all good or all bad.
The world isn’t just a straight line anymore; it’s more like a big map with lots of different paths. Our minds should work in the same way.
What if you could be both successful and relaxed? What if you could have a great career and an amazing relationship at the same time?
Let’s think about everyday things. If you wanted to lose weight, what if you could eat what you want and still lose weight while enjoying life more?
Extreme thinking, where you feel like it’s either this or that, is one of the biggest obstacles you can put in your own way.
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7. Things to Remind Yourself When You’re Trying to Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself
These days, you don’t have to follow orders and rules that hold you back. Like everyone else, you have the right to be yourself and work toward a good and happy life. This includes how you talk to yourself.
Try to stop using a commanding or submissive tone in your internal dialogue. Instead, talk to yourself like a good friend would: with interest, honesty, openness, and kindness.
Society is safer now than it has ever been. People are living longer than previous generations. Many have what they need and enjoy comfortable lives with access to modern technology.
You aren’t a slave who can be easily controlled. You have the right to be seen and treated with respect. This respect also applies to how you see yourself. Pay attention to the words you use when you talk to yourself.
Insulting or being mean to yourself is not “nothing.” It shows the mental atmosphere you carry with you. This atmosphere affects how you feel about yourself and the world around you.
You may not be able to do everything, but you can achieve much more than you think. You’re not powerless, and you’re not all-powerful either. You have the skills and chances you need to find solutions and to get the support you require.
You have the freedom to avoid hurting or pushing yourself too hard for your goals. You will achieve more when you are focused, calm, and relaxed.
Calmness and attention are more powerful than struggle. Don’t worry that you can’t do anything without pressure or that you are lazy if you don’t force yourself.
You are free to not know everything and still be a respected person living a safe life. Your life is already secure, and if you surround yourself with good people, you will always be respected.
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A lot of people say they don’t know how to stop self-destructive behavior because they keep blaming themselves for their mistakes. When you make mistakes, you’ve probably tried something new. Great! You’re still alive.
The word “perfect” means basically completed, fully done. As long as you’re alive, you’re probably imperfect because you’re constantly evolving and striving for better.
Enjoy that you can do much more than just whine. You have so many opportunities to start living and fixing your life.
By whining, you’re robbing yourself of the energy you need to fully enjoy and improve your life. This is not a good way to stop self-destructive behavior.
There is no point in overestimating or underestimating yourself or others. Evaluation creates pressure. People will tense up under pressure, and they also can’t reach their full potential under pressure.
Your value is unlimited, no matter what you do or don’t do. There is no point in sacrificing yourself for the benefit of others. It does not make the world a better place.
On the contrary, by giving up on your opportunities, you make the world a little poorer. When you realize your full potential, you have more to offer the world.
You shouldn’t be afraid that you’re being egoistic when you start taking actions based on your own beliefs. This tactic of denigration and evaluation has been used for centuries to subjugate people.
Who’s more likely to share food with other people? The person who’s hungry or the person who’s eaten enough? By taking care of yourself, you ensure inner peace and ensure that you are there for others when they need help.
The social activity starts with the individual and how they are treated inside and out. People treat others the way they treat themselves.
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8. Why Should You Stop Sabotaging Yourself?
When you make space for yourself and your needs, you’re also making space for other people. If you leave a limited life behind to enter the wide world, you will also welcome others into this world.
Many people find themselves in a crisis because they are not evolving and have found themselves in a situation where they feel trapped by mental barriers.
In this case, the goal is to recognize the next step in your development and move towards it. The next step in developing your life is another step towards improving the quality of your life.
If you sacrifice yourself on behalf of others and take care of yourself only when no one else needs help, your quality of life is trampled underfoot. That’s not how you stop self-sabotaging yourself.
Your inner mental life gets a whole new quality if you think constructively, not destructively.
Spiritual barriers disappear, and the tone of your inner voice is not self-sabotaging, depressive, or aggressive but becomes curious, constructive, encouraging, and interested.
Instead of instructing yourself in a commanding tone, you are now giving yourself advice, asking important questions, and analyzing your experiences in a constructive way.
An error or mistake is a constructive way to learn and try something new.
If you’ve understood how to overcome self-sabotaging with this new way of thinking, you will achieve internal stability, which allows you to keep your head up every day and move around the world as a free, confident adult.
It promotes competence, self-esteem, and self-efficacy both at home and at work. With this attitude, you will become a better partner, parent, friend, leader, colleague, and client.
You don’t have to bow in front of anyone anymore, and no one does it in front of you. The result is clear: quality of life leads to success.
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How to Overcome Self-Sabotaging Once and for All
When your inner and outer worlds are in sync, and you start working with yourself instead of against yourself, you’ll feel like a completely new person. This inner clarity and balance will show in your life.
The good news is that you don’t have to wait until you’re older or wiser to stop self-sabotaging. You can start right now!
What did you think of my blog post about how to stop self-destructive behavior? Did you find any new tactics to use? How do you rewire your brain for happiness? Let me know in the comments below!
Jimmy Clare
its interesting how we set ourselves up to fail
Wellness Sparkles
Amazing post! I agree, sabotaging ourselves is really bad, I’m trying to get rid of this bad habit, we should always treat ourselves nicely and advice ourselves instead of commanding and controlling. Thank you fir sharing this.
Kathy
Great post! I LOVE the book The Confidence Code. I’m going to pin this as well.