19 ways to get rid of jealousy (they actually work)
If you’re interested in learning all about overcoming relationship jealousy, keep reading!
Jealousy is often wrongly linked to deep love. In fact, jealousy is a major issue in many relationships, and it’s perfectly okay to seek help from a counselor if you’re struggling with it.
Jealousy isn’t a sign of romance or love. But why does it happen?
Research has linked several emotions and traits to jealousy. Here are some signs of jealousy in a relationship:
- Low self-confidence: Jealousy often stems from feeling insecure about oneself.
- Neuroticism: This involves a tendency to worry excessively and emotional instability, which can contribute to jealousy.
- Insecurity and possessiveness: Jealousy can result from feeling like you own your partner or that they belong exclusively to you.
- Dependency on your partner: Relying heavily on your partner can make you more prone to jealousy.
- Feeling unworthy of your partner: This is often referred to as an inferiority complex, where you believe you’re not good enough for your partner.
- Anxiety about relationships in general: Worries that your partner might leave you or that you won’t be enough can lead to jealousy.
Understanding these underlying factors can help you work on overcoming jealousy in your relationship.
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Now let’s talk about how to beat jealousy
1. Grow your ego
To tackle jealousy in a relationship, you should start by working on yourself. This involves setting aside some time for self-improvement.
Spend quality time with your friends and family, and do activities that genuinely make you happy. When you’re happy and content, you’re in a better position to deal with jealousy.
It’s important to nurture your self-esteem. Make sure to appreciate both your inner and outer qualities.
You can improve your self-esteem by focusing on personal growth and taking care of your appearance. A stronger sense of self-worth can help you manage jealousy more effectively.
Always remember that your partner picked you over everyone else. This is a sign of how much they value and appreciate you in the relationship.
When jealousy tries to sneak in, hold onto this reassuring thought. It can provide comfort to know your partner believes in your worth.
2. Keep an eye on your emotions
To deal with jealousy, it’s crucial to be aware of your own emotions. Keep an eye out for those moments when jealousy starts to sneak into your thoughts and feelings.
When you do feel jealousy, it’s a good idea to pause for a moment and reflect on what’s happening.
Try to understand why you’re feeling threatened.
Sometimes, the perceived threat might not be as serious as it initially appears. It could be more about your own thoughts and fears than something real.
By taking a closer look at your feelings, you might realize that your worries were unfounded.
This self-awareness can help you manage your emotions better the next time jealousy comes knocking.
3. Look in the mirror
When it comes to tackling jealousy in your relationship, it’s important to take a good look at yourself.
Sometimes, the reasons behind your jealousy don’t have much to do with what your partner is doing but are more about your own feelings and worries.
Understanding this is a big step in getting over jealousy. So, spend some time thinking about what’s really making you feel jealous.
It might not be about your current partner’s actions, but it could be related to issues from past relationships, stress in your personal life, or not feeling great about yourself.
These things can all stir up jealousy. Instead of letting jealousy hang around, it’s better to figure out what’s at the root of it.
For example, if you find yourself being jealous of your partner’s success, take some time to figure out why you’re feeling that way.
If your partner has done something to break your trust, it’s more helpful to focus on fixing that trust issue rather than letting jealousy take over.
Identify where your unease is coming from, and work on making yourself feel more balanced inside. Self-reflection can be a really useful tool for beating jealousy in your relationship.
4. Notice and work your insecurity
Jealousy often stems from insecurity. To start reducing jealousy, take a good look at yourself. What insecurities trigger your jealousy?
Is it because you compare yourself to others or seek perfection? Do you doubt your worth and feel undeserving of that person?
This self-examination isn’t meant to make you feel embarrassed. Instead, it’s a way to understand yourself better and identify your role in the relationship.
Identify your insecurities and take steps to work on them. Recognizing your insecurities is a step towards managing jealousy.
5. Respect your partner’s boundaries
In the beginning of a relationship, it’s completely normal to want to be with your partner as much as possible. This strong desire to be together is expected and shows your affection for each other.
However, as the relationship goes on, it becomes important to allow some space for both of you. It’s about giving each other room to breathe and having confidence in one another.
In a healthy relationship, you find a good balance between being together and having your own time and individuality.
This balance helps reduce jealousy and foster a stronger, more trusting connection.
6. Take good care of yourself
Taking care of yourself should be a regular thing, not just something you save for special moments.
When you make self-care a part of your everyday life, it can have a big impact on how you feel about yourself.
You don’t have to be envious of others who might seem more attractive because you are beautiful just the way you are.
Self-care is like a confidence booster; it helps you feel better about yourself and recognize your own worth. It’s a way to remind yourself that you’re special and deserving of love and respect.
7. Discuss your emotions
To overcome jealousy in a relationship, communication is key. It’s much healthier to discuss jealousy rather than keep it to yourself.
Make a point to have open conversations if either you or your partner experience jealousy in the relationship.
Ask yourselves: Why do these feelings of jealousy arise? Perhaps there’s an underlying cause you’re not aware of. If so, talk about it and work together to find a solution.
It’s often helpful to have these discussions after both you and your partner have taken a moment to calm down by counting to ten.
This can lead to more productive and understanding conversations.
8. Trust them
It’s natural for people to desire some level of control in a relationship, as it offers a sense of stability and security.
In a healthy relationship, both partners may have a say in how it functions, but it’s crucial to discern the boundaries between control, trust, and freedom.
When you attempt to control things beyond your control, it can severely harm the relationship, and your partner may perceive it as a lack of trust.
Give your significant other the freedom to spend time with their friends when they want to.
Rather than dwelling on how they interact with others and their friends, try enjoying your time by going shopping or to the spa with your own friends.
Trusting your partner and allowing them space can strengthen your relationship.
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9. Count from one to ten
If you recognize that you have a tendency to be jealous and find yourself in a situation where you might lose control, take a deep breath and count from one to ten.
This simple technique is a form of meditation, and meditation is well-known for helping to calm your nerves and bring you into a state of peaceful serenity.
10. Be honest about your jealousy
You can’t solve a problem if you pretend it’s not there. So, instead of pretending that jealousy doesn’t affect you, it’s better to be honest with yourself and talk to your partner about it.
Consider how it affects your well-being and your relationship.
Tony Robbins, a life coach, acknowledges on his website that being aware of this problem can be difficult, but it is an important step toward a healthy relationship.
11. Don’t trust your fixed ideas
Sometimes, our minds can trick us by holding onto fixed ideas, which means we have strong beliefs that don’t change.
For instance, if you always think that your partner is flirting with others, it’s essential to challenge these beliefs.
When you keep these rigid ideas for a long time, you might start to believe they are true, even if they’re not. It’s important to take a step back and question these thoughts.
Try to see them from different points of view, and consider whether they are based on facts or just your imagination. This helps you have a clearer and more realistic view of your relationship.
12. Ask for advice from your friends
Continuous suspicion in a relationship can spiral into an endless loop. You may start to scrutinize your partner’s every action and word so intensely that it becomes challenging to think rationally.
Consider talking to your friends and asking for their perspectives. Sometimes, discussing your concerns with friends can help you see that you’re blowing things out of proportion.
13. Determine whether you’re capable of dealing with jealousy
Jealousy, if left unchecked, can sometimes grow into a more serious problem: controlling behavior.
It’s important to see how this affects your partner. When jealousy becomes excessive, it can harm their trust in you and limit their freedom to express themselves and be who they are.
Both controlling actions and jealousy have the potential to lead to harmful situations in your relationship.
It’s important to be aware of these issues and work on them together to maintain a healthy and respectful partnership.
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14. Prioritize compassion
When you’re dealing with intense jealousy, it can make trust in your relationship shaky. To overcome this, it’s vital to focus on getting to know yourself and your partner even better.
Having empathy, which means showing care and understanding for each other, is a key value.
It helps in healing any issues, feeling thankful for what you have, staying connected with your own feelings, and keeping your relationship strong.
Trust can be repaired over time when you approach it with compassion.
But if you try to trust without this caring and understanding, it might not be as effective in the long run. So, prioritize compassion to strengthen your connection and rebuild trust.
15. Consider looking at the situation from a different perspective
As jealous people, we have a tendency to jump to conclusions and see things that do not exist.
How many times have you called your significant other, and it went straight to voicemail, and you went insane?
So, what thoughts are running through your mind? The worst-case scenario will undoubtedly enter your mind. “They are with someone else! They, like all the other people, are a cheater!”
You know very well that this is not always the case. Instead of going to extremes, consider this: Their phone’s battery must be dead. They don’t have a charger. Isn’t that much better?
16. Work on your heartache
Complex jealousy often stems from a decline in self-esteem, leading to feelings of being unloved and unworthy as a partner.
You might wonder, “How can I believe someone loves me when I don’t feel lovable myself? I suspect they don’t truly know me or have ulterior motives, like money or possessions. I worry they’re searching for love elsewhere because I’m not enough for them.”
Numerous studies have shown that our minds tend to find what they are looking for.
So, when you’re overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness, it’s crucial to address this before it escalates into obsession and thoughts of vengeance.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel loved and valued?” Strive to see the world from your partner’s perspective and understand their life.
Remember that your partner may also be grappling with feelings of being unloved or insufficient. Focus on finding ways to make both of you feel valuable and loved.
17. Don’t break up your relationship because of their co-workers
Feeling excessive jealousy due to your partner’s coworkers, especially of the opposite sex, can be challenging.
Avoid tormenting yourself by constantly thinking about their colleagues, even if you believe they’re more attractive than you.
Rather than dwelling on your partner working late again, engage in activities that keep you occupied and make the time pass more quickly.
Trust and open communication are essential to maintaining a healthy relationship when dealing with concerns related to coworkers.
18. Listen to them
If you notice that your partner is more open and relaxed when talking to friends than when talking to you, instead of resorting to spying or blame, try to be a better listener.
By genuinely listening and engaging with them, you’ll create an environment in which they feel more comfortable being open.
The better you understand each other, the stronger your relationship becomes, built on mutual trust where jealousy has no room to thrive.
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19. Act only if there is a genuine reason to do so
If you suspect that your loved one is being dishonest or untruthful, it’s essential to consider your next steps carefully.
Oprah has suggested that if your partner cheats on you, instead of dwelling solely on jealousy, it’s important to address the issue, whether through a breakup or forgiveness.
However, accusing a partner of infidelity without solid evidence is risky. Such behavior can be detrimental to a relationship and may lead to unnecessary misunderstandings and harm.
Always act with a valid reason based on clear evidence, rather than giving in to unfounded paranoia.
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FAQ: let’s talk about jealousy a bit
What can you do if your lover is jealous of you?
Understand it’s their issue. Remember that the problem lies with them, not you. Their jealousy is a reflection of their own insecurities.
Reassure your love. When they express jealousy, reassure them of your affection and commitment.
Studies have shown that relationships are more stable when the partner of a jealous person shows interest and affection.
What should you do if you’re jealous of someone else?
Avoid triggering situations. If possible, steer clear of situations that may lead to unjust accusations or unwarranted jealousy.
For instance, studies have shown that jealous people are more likely to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity. Avoiding excessive monitoring can help break the cycle.
Address your jealousy. Jealousy is not a solution to relationship difficulties, and keeping it hidden can be detrimental to a relationship.
If you notice feelings of jealousy within yourself, it’s crucial to address them promptly to prevent any negative impact on your relationship.
Communication is key. Even mild jealousy can be detrimental to a relationship, especially if partners have different understandings and temperaments.
Open and honest communication with your partner is essential to establishing mutual understanding and setting boundaries regarding acceptable behavior in your relationship.
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FAQ: In what situations is jealousy normal? How should it be handled?
Someone is flirting with your partner, or they are flirting with someone else
When you notice someone flirting with your partner or your partner flirting with someone else, it’s important to address the situation in a healthy manner.
Avoid internalizing. Don’t keep your feelings of jealousy to yourself; let them fester.
Instead, be clear and direct about how you feel. You can say something like, “I felt jealous for these specific reasons (x and y).”
If the relationship is otherwise healthy, discussing your feelings of jealousy will not create unnecessary tension.
It’s natural to feel jealous in such situations, but addressing it through open and honest communication can help both you and your partner understand each other better.
Jealousy reminds you of your partner’s strengths
In long-term relationships, it’s easy to slip into routines and forget the qualities that initially drew you to your partner.
In such cases, jealousy can have a positive side. It can remind you that your partner possesses attractive qualities that others may find appealing.
This temporary sense of competition can enhance your partner’s value in your eyes, creating a renewed attraction.
When an external event or situation prompts you to appreciate each other once more, it can be a positive thing.
Consider it a wake-up call from the outside world, reminding you not to take your partner for granted and to rediscover the qualities that make them special.
Someone is left behind
It’s not uncommon for someone to become deeply absorbed in their work, studies, hobbies, or other interests to the point where they lose sight of their partner or their relationship.
This can sometimes happen unintentionally.
We often assume that others see things from our perspective without needing to explain ourselves.
However, since there are few mind readers among us, having an open conversation with your partner can save both of you a lot of stress.
A neutral way to address this issue is to express your happiness that the other person is involved in important activities but also convey your sadness at feeling left out.
If they care about the relationship, they’ll likely start thinking of ways to include you more in their life.
your partner pays too much attention to others
It’s perfectly normal for people to occasionally think about or dream of others, so there’s no need to directly confront this.
However, discomfort and a sense of danger can arise when your partner consistently prioritizes or pays excessive attention to others.
For example, you might discover that your partner maintains a close relationship with an ex-lover or friend, or they constantly seem to be in a “hunting mode” even when you’re present.
In such situations, feelings of jealousy are natural, but it’s essential to address these issues wisely. Have an open conversation with the partner who is causing you stress.
By discussing your concerns, you can quickly discern whether you hold the significance you should in their life.
Their reactions and body language will reveal whether you are a valued part of their life or merely an inconvenience hindering them from living as they wish.
While uncomfortable truths may surface, it’s better to know the reality than to grapple with uncertainty.
Overcoming relationship jealousy needs some effort but you can do it
I’m a personal growth and self-care expert, as well as an avid motorcycle enthusiast and coffee and sweets lover. Through Lauraconteuse, I provide insightful and practical advice on topics such as self-care, self-love, personal growth, and productivity, drawing from my very own extensive experience and knowledge in the field. My blog has helped countless people achieve their goals and live more fulfilling lives, and my goal is to continue to inspire and empower others.